Friday, April 07, 2006


I used to have this friend, we'll call her Q, as in Q-tip. Her name didn't start with Q, it's just that I don't know nearly enough words that start with Q, so I thought I would use it. Anyway... we became friends when we were about 14 years old. Our friendship carried out over the years. We saw eachother's successes and failures, and supported eachother when times were tough. By the time we went off to college, Q was living with a boyfriend, so she stayed behind and enrolled at FIU. I, on the other hand, had no real attachment to Miami, so I went away to Florida. During that time, Q's mother died (her father had died many years before), and my family was there for her, offering her comfort and all that goes with it.

When I graduated from college, I moved back home, and my friendship with Q was stronger than ever. On day, she broke up with her longtime boyfriend and had no where to go. So, my family opened their doors to her (and her brother), and for a few months, Q and her brother lived with us. After a few months, Q decided to buy a place of her own and moved out. But the ties were still very strong. Afterall, it seemed we were among the only family she had at this point.

While all this was happening, I met a boy!! A very nice boy, as they say. He was a little bit older, Cuban-raised, Catholic school educated, and came from a good family. My folks were thrilled! Everybody was thrilled that I was so happy. Especially Q (I should have known something was up right there).

But after a few months, the very nice boy was acting strange. He told me he wanted to take "a break", which we all know is never a good sign of things to come. Since I was still goo-goo over him, I agreed, thinking he'd be back as soon as he realized what a great catch I was. But it didn't turn out that way. It turned out that for months prior, he had been dating Q on the side.

When I found out, I was dumbfounded. Not so much because of the very nice boy, but because I felt so betrayed by Q. I confronted her, and she didn't deny anything. As a matter of fact, she made it seem like what had happened was perfectly normal. To me (and maybe I'm just too sensitive - please, correct me if I'm wrong), it was not perfectly normal, and I told her so. I also told Q that our friendship had come to an end.

A few weeks later, she came to my house and talked to my parents. She explained what had happened, thinking my parents would understand her situation and "take her side." From what I understand, and I wasn't there when it happened, my father threw her out of the house. Threw her out of the house.

It was the only time in my life that I have ever taken my friendship away from anyone.

I found out a few years later that they were engaged to be married. I thought about sending a gift, but figured it would be better to throw the money down the sewer. And I don't think this because I was hurt over losing the very nice boy (hell, those come and go like the breeze), it's because I felt betrayed by my friend. Years later, I am very much in love with someone else and happily married, but I still don't forgive her.

Does that make me a bad person?


Madhu said...

Nope, That's just you...:)

ideally the two must have come and spoke to you when they were even PLANNING on dating each other. But they did not.

You are bad when you are not yourself i.e. a hyprocite


Madhu said...

hey please check the 'moderating comments' option to avoid spamming about product communities in ur comments section. It helps a lot :)

acb said...

I don't think you're a bad person. And being your friend during this whole Q-gate saga, I know how much you hurt during the whole thing. If you ever do choose to forgive her - never forget. But you have no ties with her now, so no need to forgive her! ;) It's not like you two own a company together or not.

But think of it this way - she did you a HUGE favor. If she hadn't taken that guy away from you, some other person may have, and you'd have just been stuck with another lying cheat. AND if she hadn't done that to you, you never ever would have met MGE and been so happily married now. God Bless Q, that backstabbing ho!

Ms. Giselle said...

I totally relate to you on this! This just shows how much you value just sucks how we have to go through situations like this in our lives...

OccasionalConfusion said...

You are not a bad person, you just value loyalty and honesty in a friendship and those are rare to come by in almost any relationship. I can understand where you're coming from. I got burn too many times which is why I could count close friends with one hand. The thing is that you know that she's in facebook so maybe when you do feel comfortable (if ever)to accept her friend resquest it'll be there...and that's my little grain of